How The Professor Made Me Cry - The Beginning of Us

Have you ever had emotions overtake you without warning and you find yourself crying at the most inopportune time?

That's what happened to me the day The Professor made me cry. I didn't know he was The Professor.  In fact, the only thing I knew about him was that he had two young daughters and a son, and wore the same black suit, which hung loose on his slender, tall form, every weekend at church. 

It started when I saw one of his daughters hold up a drawing for him to see. He smiled, nodded and then she snuggled close against his side

An ordinary common occurrence, right?

But I couldn't help it. An invisible faucet behind my eyes turned on and salty tears began leaking down my cheeks

It was the single thought slamming into my head as I watched the tender love between father and daughter unfolding there in the pew in front of me that caused the leaking of tears - my kids don't have that kind of safe love with their dad.

Watching them made my heart ache for my children. 

The next year after that day was filled with uncertainty as my marriage disintegrated more and more. I don't recall much during that year about The Dude, as my daughter would later call him, and his family until my children's dad and I divorced in 2018. 

The months following the divorce were filled with adjusting to single parenting and buying a house, but by the summer of 2019, The Dude came back onto my radar on a warm summer morning at church. 

The kids and I had just arrived and were getting out of our vehicle when I noticed The Dude getting out of his - and staring at me. I glanced behind me but there was only a field so I knew without a doubt he was looking at me. I smiled nervously. He stared a moment longer, then shut his car door and walked toward the church with his children. Right before walking into the building, he glanced my way one last time.

From that moment forward, little incidents popped up that brought us into contact with each other at church and we began to chat a little bit here and there. I could tell he was interested by the way he leaned in and his eyes lit up whenever we talked, but he never made a move. 

It would take another year of messaging each other every once in a while and of me wrestling with whether or not he was interested before something finally happened. 

That something was me swallowing my fear and taking the first step. 

It was September of 2020. I took the plunge one Saturday evening and sent a Facebook message asking if he would like to join me sometime for a walk on a Sunday morning. Within minutes, the familiar ping echoed in the living room. I tossed my phone to my daughter.

"I can't do this. You read the message," I begged her. She laughed and then opened the Messenger app. She was quiet for a moment and my heart clawed at my chest like a wild beast trying to escape a cage.

"It's okay, mom. It's a positive reply," she assured me as she tossed the phone back to me.

I looked down at the still open message and read - "Yes, I think I would be.". My heart flip-flopped and then I squealed. He was interested after all. 

To make a long story short, we dated for two years and married in May of 2023 by the side of a bay. He later told me that he had been interested in me, but had figured he was too busy as a single, full-time dad and juggling his Professor career to date anyone, until I came along, reached out and changed everything. 

I have never regretted overcoming my fear of rejection.

And if I could turn time back to that morning at church, watching the love between father and daughter, I would choose all over again to have The Professor make me cry.